I Have an Addiction and I’m Never Giving it Up

I should say my addiction isn’t quite what you think in the traditional sense. It’s an addiction that has taken hold of my heart and mind, guiding me through the rollercoaster of life. For every high and every low, I have not gone without this. Ever.

Like a drug coursing through my veins, it can alter my state of mind almost effortlessly. For every emotion you can think of, from complete and utter bliss to extreme anger, it is there for every single one. 

I’ve grown completely dependent on this one thing that you can never hold but only ever hear…


I wake up every morning with some type of song playing on repeat inside my head. For instance, this week’s song on repeat is “My Heart Has Teeth” by deadmau5. It’s a banger and definitely gets my recommendation. 

Singing the chorus out loud or hearing the beats rattle inside my brain, the constant mixtape of my life never stops. 

And this mixtape is always growing.

I’m always searching out new music, craving that next dopamine hit. The feeling I get when a song rises above all the outside noise and pierces every thought I’m having, striking the perfect chord of my soul, oooieee, there’s nothing like it. I get goosebumps from my head to my tippy toes just writing about it. 

In fact, at the very moment of writing this, I’m listening to a playlist on Spotify called “Electronic Writing Music”. It’s a funky and high-energy playlist that literally propels my fingers to type out words, whether they make any sense or not. I enter a flow state almost immediately from these random beats smashed together. It’s like a superpower for me. 

Now, I might get tired of this playlist at some point and feel uninspired, but then the music search begins again. I’ll go down a rabbit hole of every instrumental playlist I can find – songs with lyrics I find to be very distracting when I’m writing – and search until another playlist clicks. A cycle I’ll be in until the day I die, I presume. And I’ll love every second of it.

But amidst this ever-evolving mixtape of mine, there are certain experiences that stand out, making my curated songs and playlists pale in comparison.  One unforgettable experience, in particular, occurred when Kacey and I embarked on a journey into the realm of cinematic nerdom.

An Orchestra Far, Far Away

It was a chilly evening in the heart of Minneapolis. Our bellies were full of overpriced steak and french fries. Along with my delicious gin & tonic, anticipation coursed through my veins as we made our way from the steakhouse to the Orchestra Hall only a couple blocks away. Making our way inside, we of course made it a priority to stop and take pictures with iconic Star Wars characters that we know and love. Albeit, the photo may have turned out a bit awkward, that’s just who we are.

The hall was filled with my fellow nerds all dressed in their finest Star Wars t-shirts. The projector screen was lit up with the familiar Star Wars title, and the stage was filled with an orchestra of extraordinary musicians, ready to transport us to a galaxy far, far away. The occasion? “Star Wars: The Force Awakens Live in Concert.”

As the musicians finished warming up, the lights dimmed and the conductor raised her lightsaber baton, a great touch I might add. All the musicians sat up straight and prepared to send us off into the adventure that was to come. Then, in one quick motion, the conductor lowered her baton, and the orchestra hall rang with the iconic Star Wars opening theme. The nostalgic sounds of the trumpets blaring made me smile ear to ear, as I gripped Kacey’s hand tightly. 

I read the opening title scene like it was my first time seeing it. Which was crazy because I’ve seen The Force Awakens probably 7 times at least up until that point. The music soared and crashed, evoking a spectrum of feelings, from pure nostalgia to heart-pounding excitement. My ass was on the edge of my seat for the entire movie. 

You want to talk about goosebump-inducing music, this two-and-a-half-hour show gave me goosebumps the entire time. I’ve never experienced such profound feelings from simply watching the movies or hearing the soundtrack. 

Now, I’m not gonna lie, the symphonic spectacle brought tears to my eyes not once, but twice. I mean, my face would not stop leaking. I was just overcome with emotions. It was beautiful. 

Watching The Force Awakens combined with the live rendition of my favorite Star Wars music made me feel like I wasn’t just a crying, mildly sweaty nerd. It felt like I was actually a part of the action. For the first time, I was being swept away on an epic adventure aboard the Millenium Falcon navigating the Star Wars universe. 

The best part of this epic adventure? I wasn’t alone. Kacey was right there with me, her head resting against mine. Our hearts beating in unison to the moving sounds of the orchestra. I can’t think of a better place to be than that moment right there. 

As the final closing notes reverberated through the hall, and the lights came back to life, I was speechless. You could say I was damn near shell-shocked. Music has never moved me quite like that orchestra has. Not even close. I truly can’t say I’ve ever been to a concert or heard a song that left me with puffy eyes and tear-stained cheeks. A special Thank you to the Minnesota Orchestra for absolutely crushing it. 

I mean, that’s the true power of music. That’s why I’m so fucking addicted to it. The drug that fuels me is the moments like Kacey and I shared. The journey that we went on together, and the raw emotions that I felt along the way, were created by some of the most moving pieces of music. Including my nerdy tears and all. 

Where music can take you, well, the possibilities are endless. 

Get an Above Average email
in your inbox every Friday






Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *