How I Stumbled Upon The Power Of Comfortable Silence

There I am, sitting across from my date at the local Applebees. Palms sweating. Trying to think of anything to spark a conversation. An agonizing 30 seconds go by—pure silence. My skin begins to itch because this silence is turning into the definition of awkward. I start to feel as if I’m sitting in a sauna cranked up to 1,000 degrees.

My mind is racing for anything to say at this point.

“So, how about the weather?”


Oh, dear lord…

What am I, 97 years old? What a tremendous conversation starter, Tyler. Bravo. Applause all around. Nothing better than sounding like their Grandpa.

That conversation starter, to no surprise, fell face-first into my plate of steak and potatoes.

If you couldn’t guess, that date quickly ended.

Well, looks like it’s going to be another Netflix night alone with my six bags of popcorn. Yay, me.

To my surprise, Pulp Fiction was just recently added. Nothing better than a classic Quentin Tarantino film to make me feel better about myself.

Thank you, Netflix, for being the Batman of my disappointing date night.

Sitting there on my couch, consuming my third bowl of popcorn, covered in stray kernels that missed my mouth, I arrive at about the halfway mark of Pulp Fiction.

Before my eyes is the classic scene where Vincent and Mia are sitting together in a booth at Jack Rabbit Slims, a retro 1950s-themed restaurant.

The beginning of this scene went very similar to how my date went.


And then, as if Pulp Fiction took a peek into the depths of my soul, this conversation happens:

Mia: “Don’t you hate that?”

Vincent: “What?”

Mia: “Uncomfortable silences. Why do we feel it’s necessary to yak about bullshit in order to be comfortable?”

Vincent: “I don’t know. That’s a good question.”

Mia: “That’s when you know you’ve found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.”

Mia’s last line hit me like a ton of bricks.

“That’s when you know you’ve found somebody special. When you can just shut the fuck up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence.”

Then I was jolted out of my spiritual moment as Mia overdosed on the heroin she stole from Vincent’s jacket thinking it was cocaine, but I digress.

Regardless, I’ve remembered that line to this day, years and years later.

I mean, what a profound line.

To me, uncomfortable silence was always a thing in relationships no matter who I was with.

But then I met Kacey.

And Mia’s saying rang 1000% true. In fact, it wouldn’t stop playing in my head.

Kacey and I spent hours and hours lying on her couch together when we first started dating, forehead to forehead, not saying a damn word.

That’s no exaggeration.

Literal hours.

Did I feel any sense of awkwardness running through my veins? Any sweaty palms, or sauna-like symptoms?

Not once.

The only thing I felt was comfortable silence.

Where we’re at today in our relationship, comfortable silence still rings true. We can work side by side for hours on end without talking. Not one word. Maybe our feet are touching, or we give each other a thoughtful glance once in a while, but we don’t say anything.

Quite frankly, we don’t have to.

There’s just a feeling we have, almost telepathy-like, that is this constant bridge of love for one another. A feeling that we have at all times. Almost an energy, you could say.

I know that may sound super strange, but I don’t know how to say it any differently.

It’s an experience I’ve never had with anyone else before.

That constant flow of energy between one another, maybe that’s what Mia meant about comfortable silence.

To me at least, that’s what I think it means.

Discovering comfortable silence with Kacey, experiencing this unspoken flow with her, is how I know that I found my version of someone special.

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